Marriage is the process where a man takes on a wife and both live together as husband and wife. There are marriage rites that are usually consummated in any marriage and witnessed by friends and relations. Marriage rites vary according to cultures and beliefs as they exist in different parts of the world. Igbo land is not an exception
By Afam Echi
The institution of marriage is a very important one in Igbo land. The importance derives from the many important purposes that it serves the society. In the scripture we were told that the first marriage was between Adam Eve. The scripture also gave account of how marriage ceremonies took place especially at the occasion where Jesus turned water into wine. Irrespective of belief and culture marriage exists everywhere you go.
Marriage is the process where a man takes on a wife and both live together as husband and wife. There are marriage rites that are usually consummated in any marriage and witnessed by friends and relations. Marriage rites vary according to cultures and beliefs as they exist in different parts of the world. Igbo land is not an exception.
It is through marriage that the work of procreation is furthered. Men conceive the women who give birth periodically to replace the aging population as they give way. It is like a relay race where the parents hand over to the children who continue the process. Without marriage the population will stagnate or diminish.
Marriage also helps to bond people together. People from various backgrounds meet with each other and establish marital relationship which often transcends the couples involved. Both families bond to explore the benefits of such relationships as in-laws. In a typical Igbo culture in-laws are seen as extensions of the families and they bear the burdens of each other. Such Igbo philosophy as “onye aghala nwanne ya’’ find expressions through marriage
In Igbo land it provides immense joy when parents beget children who mature to marriageable age and are taken away from them. The female daughters who bring forth kids create opportunity for their mothers for more bonding through which the family values and cultures are strengthened. Marriage is highly treasured in Igbo land.
However, investigations have revealed that the marriage institution has suffered severe reverses in recent time drawing from what is playing out from different unions. These negative outcomes are experienced along each social stratum, the rich the poor, the sophisticated and the uneducated, the big and small, the urbanized and rural folks etc.
The rate of divorce experienced among couples is sending shock waves especially to the older generations who saw it as a rarity to behold separation in any form. It was almost like a taboo in the time past to behold a broken relationship. In a community it could be counted on finger tips and people are ashamed to be described as not having a successful union. All of that have gone into oblivion.
Why are marriages collapsing like pack of cards in Igbo land you may want to know? So many factors are responsible but we are going to focus just on a very few major ones. Investigations show that marriage is a cultural thing and virtually the strong ties in the union are welded by the respective culture of the people involved.
Today our culture has been watered down, bruised and battered by religion and western civilization to the point that it does not hold much attraction to the people any longer. People now weigh their lifestyles in conformity with trending issues and standards and anything falling short of their expectations is yanked off where there is a conflict. It doesn’t matter to them whether what they are following is alien to them or their environment. What matters to many is if their views are enjoying populist appeal.
In a typical Igbo society marriage follows a process. Drawing from the importance accorded unions back in the days some cultural steps were instituted to ensure that if they are diligently followed things can hardly go wrong. Every unit of the Igbo society cherishes its family values and would do anything to protect it. Consequently, they take steps to ensure that external people do not get in to inject any form of virus.
This is the reason stringent inquiries are instituted to verify the statuses of the players in the union by both families. Ndigbo believe that some character traits runs in the family and so the background checks focuses on the character of the respective families, their mental health, social status and integrity, longevity the family enjoys etc before decisions are reached whether or not to make the approaches.
To further underscore how important this is, some families go to the extent of consulting an oracle to speak and give confirmation. This aspect still finds expression among Christians especially the Pentecostal stocks who tell us that they have sought the face of God through their pastors before taking a step. Interestingly, even when God has spoken it still doesn’t stop the marriages from going asunder. Perhaps, the pastor did not hear well or God never spoke.
Again, our learning (education), sophistication and exposure to the wider world have influenced us to the point that we now shut down those practices that may interfere with what appeals to us and our inner convictions. Young men and women today meet each either in the work place, walk ways, church, schools and starts off a conversation that leads to a relationship that ends up in marriage. In majority of the cases there are very little inputs from parents or elders around them. It is their decision which must be respected in accord with freedom of choice..
To illustrate marriage in different eras that has expired as well as show where we are coming from, I was told that my father never saw nor met my mother before their marriage. As a young girl she came for the traditional new yam festival in our village when my father’s senior brother saw her and proposed to her and her parents. After due diligence was done and marriage rites performed by both parties my mother was sent to my father who lived in Lagos at the time.
In every sense of the word success, the marriage was a huge success and so many other marital relationships were contracted similarly. That was the era when trust and love and discipline were supreme. Are such things still possible in this era even as much as we mouth God every second?
Some of the practices like the extended family system no longer exist at least practically speaking and these are part of the appendages that help to strengthen the institution of marriage one way or another. People are now more focused on the nuclear family. People no longer want interference in their affairs as their privacy policies may restrict others contribution.
Religion is another thing that has fueled divorce even when it claims to bring and unite people. Divergences in faith and beliefs and discovery of new ones have pulled people apart. Besides, some faiths have discouraged and killed so many traditional rites. Right or wrong, it cannot be established yet but many people hold the view that non observance of strict traditional rites affects relationships. This is mythical though, example the use of fruit juice instead of palm wine offered by the bride to the groom.
